Swappin' Random Presents With Me Chums
by Percie Jean
Summary: (Modern AU) Deciding that the newsies need a new holiday tradition, Jack takes it upon himself to organize the First Annual Newsies White Elephant Gift Exchange.
1. The Plan

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-commercial work of fanfiction. All of the characters referenced here belong to Disney and not to me.

**A/N:** Quick facts: Modern AU, takes place after the events of "Dyin' To Get There" (though it's not necessary to have read that first) with tie-ins to my other stories that are Easter eggs for those who have read them but won't affect this story's readability for those who have not. Out-of-context lines and obscure nods to the fandom also make occasional appearances.

More importantly: Seasonal ridiculousness and fluff lie ahead. You, dear reader, have been warned. :)

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Chapter 1: _The Plan_

"You want to do _what_?" Davey asked through chattering teeth as he and Jack made their way out of the cold and up the stairs to the Kellys' vacation rental.

"One of those fancy gift exchanges - you know, with the stealin' and such," Jack answered.

"You mean a white elephant?" Davey supplied.

"Yeah, exactly." Jack fished a key out of his pocket and opened the door to the apartment. "Now that me and Kath only get to see you bummers once a year for the holidays, we gotta start some new traditions. I think the boys would be on board for somethin' fun like a white pelican."

"_Elephant,_" Davey corrected, still shivering despite the more temperate climate of the apartment.

Jack shrugged, walking over to the wall thermostat to turn on the heater. Katherine had left a post-it note next to it saying that she would be out visiting her father all afternoon, which meant that Jack and Davey would have the place to themselves for a while, hopefully long enough to work through a plan for the white _whatever-animal-it-was_ gift exchange. What Jack had said was true - ever since he and Katherine had moved out to Santa Fe, he'd been missing his college friends (affectionately dubbed the "newsies") who had all stayed close to Manhattan, and he wanted to throw them a party to remember.

"I bet you don't miss all this snow out in New Mexico," Davey remarked as the two of them made their way over to the kitchen area.

"Yeah, I don't miss it much," Jack agreed, as he began pulling items out of the cupboards to make coffee. "It does snow sometimes, but it ain't like here in New York." He opened the coffee maker, inserted the paper filter, then began measuring out the coffee grounds.

"Remind me again how long you and Katherine are staying?" Davey asked, pulling out one of the barstools next to the kitchen island and wrapping his arms around himself as he sat down, apparently still feeling the chill.

"Two weeks. The longest they could do without Kath at work." Jack added water to the coffee maker, plugged it in, then started the machine. He'd measured out enough coffee for both him and Davey to drink, but as he watched his friend shiver, an alternate plan crossed his mind. He walked over to the fridge and began rummaging through it.

"Do you have any other plans besides visiting your father-in-law?" Davey inquired, prompting Jack to give him a slightly-annoyed look. The boys liked to give him a hard time about being related to Pulitzer, and although Davey had probably asked the question innocently enough, Jack never really liked being reminded.

"Katherine's the one doin' most of the visitin,'" he said, setting a carton of milk and some chocolate syrup down on the counter. "I'll drop by and see the old man maybe once or twice while we's here, but I ain't gonna be hangin' out in that mansion of his, that's for sure."

"This place you've got is nice," Davey remarked, looking around the apartment. "Pretty spacious for two people."

"We wanted to be able to fit all of the fellas in one place," Jack explained as he set some more items from the cupboards down beside the refrigerated goods. He began heating some of the milk in a small pot on the stove. "We may be here on a family visit, but we's also here to see our boys."

"Things aren't the same without you both," Davey admitted. "Everyone misses you."

"Well, we's gonna make it right this weekend with a bang-up holiday party," Jack declared, measuring out cocoa powder and sugar and adding them to the milk on the stove. "And the highlight of the event's gonna be the white skeleton."

"_Elephant, _Jack. _El-eph-ant._"

"All right, all right, Dave - you don't haf'ta lecture me." Jack began whisking the mixture on the stovetop, wondering if Katherine had managed to make it to the store earlier that morning while he'd been out with Davey. He'd asked her to pick up a few things that their apartment kitchen was lacking, so hopefully she'd been able to find them.

A quick search of the remaining kitchen cupboards revealed that Katherine had indeed procured the requested items, and Jack silently sent up a thank you to his dependable and efficient angel of a wife. He pulled out a box of chocolate sprinkles and a bar of milk chocolate, the latter of which he slid across the island to Davey.

"Make yourself useful and open that for me, will ya?"

"Still missing your days as a barista?" Davey asked as he began peeling the wrapper off of the chocolate bar.

"Always," Jack replied. He'd worked part-time for most of his college years at a coffee shop close to campus, and he'd enjoyed the job immensely, both for the free drinks he regularly got to consume, and for the creative outlet the job provided. It was a different kind of art, trying to figure out the right blend of flavors to suit each customer's individual taste, and he'd gotten adept at memorizing the orders of his routine patrons, though every once in a while, he would suggest a variation if they seemed like the adventurous type. By the time he'd hung up his barista's apron at the end of college, there were quite a few loyal regulars who had been sad to see him go.

Checking the mixture on the stovetop, Jack gave it another quick whisk, then motioned for the chocolate bar, which Davey handed to him. Jack put it straight into the pot with the rest of the concoction, added a dash of salt and a splash of vanilla extract, then gave the mixture a good stir until the chocolate bar was completely melted. He grabbed an oversized mug from the cupboard overhead, poured the mixture from the pot straight in, then set the steaming cup down on the kitchen island.

"So," he said, opening the fridge again and pulling out a can of whipped cream, "this white elephant thing - you think it's gonna require a lot of preparation beforehand, or you think we could just kinda wing it? I know our boys ain't exactly the best at followin' rules, so I'm figurin' the simpler the better, maybe just let 'em have at it, ya know?"

"You need to lay down _some_ kind of rules, Jack," Davey insisted. "It won't work to 'just let them have at it.' White elephants have a way of getting out of hand really quickly if everyone's not on the same -" He broke off as Jack pushed the steaming mug towards him.

"I'm tired of watchin' you shake like a leaf," the former barista joked. "You's way too skinny for your own good, Dave."

Davey gave the cup a wary look. He hadn't been paying particularly close attention to everything that had been going into the pot on the stovetop, and he certainly hadn't expected the concoction to be for _him_ (or he definitely would have watched the ingredients being added more closely). It wasn't that he doubted Jack's gastronomic intuition, per se...but there had been a few times, at least in their college days, where his former roommate's creations had not been quite so...digestible. Davey hadn't forgotten the one time Finch had been sick for two days straight after drinking one of Jack's experimental beverages, and he certainly didn't want to be the next to succumb.

"Jack, what is this?" he asked cautiously.

"The fattiest drink I could think of," Jack answered. "Hot chocolate with whole milk." He reached over and added a small mountain of whipped cream to Davey's cup, then topped it off with a handful of chocolate sprinkles before drizzling an unhealthy amount of chocolate syrup over everything.

"Drink up," he ordered. "And don't worry - this recipe's straight from the employee handbook. I ain't messin' around this time."

Somewhat reassured, Davey took a tentative sip as Jack washed his hands at the sink and then opened up his laptop, which had been sitting on the kitchen island plugged into its charger. He scratched his head, thinking for a moment, then quickly began typing away.

A brisk knock sounded suddenly on the door, and seconds later, Race sauntered into the apartment, closing the door that Jack had unintentionally left ajar.

"Heya Jack, Davey," he greeted them cheerfully. "I was passin' by and saw the light on in the window. Figured I'd stop in for a bit to warm up - it's freezin' outside."

"There's coffee on the counter that'll be done soon," Jack offered, not looking up from his laptop, "or I can make you what Davey's havin.'"

Race peered into Davey's mug, grimacing as he looked askance at the contents. "It's not good to drink that...not healthy," he muttered.

"That's rich for someone who subsists almost solely on shelf-stable toaster pastries," Davey answered defensively (as he was actually rather enjoying the drink).

"You've got whipped cream on your nose," was Race's only reply. The gambler hoisted himself up on a barstool next to Davey, looking curiously at Jack, whose eyes were still trained on his laptop. "So, Jacky," he asked, "what's gotcha so absorbed?"

"I'm going to start a new holiday tradition, Race," Jack murmured. "The First Annual Newsies White Elephant Gift Exchange."

"Ain't that a mouthful," Race remarked. When Jack didn't reply, he looked at Davey. "He's serious about all that?"

Davey nodded. "I think so. It's going to be part of the gathering he and Katherine are hosting this weekend."

"Geez, Dave!" Jack exclaimed, his eyes still trained on the computer screen as he scrolled rapidly through the webpage he was looking at. "Why didn'tcha tell me there was so many variations on this white elephant thing?"

"That's why I told you it's necessary to decide on the rules," Davey replied patiently. Getting up from his seat, he walked over to where Jack was standing and looked over his shoulder, taking another sip of his hot chocolate as he did so.

"There," he said after a moment, pointing at the screen. "If you want the simplest version of the game, that's pretty much it. You'll just have to decide on what kind of gifts you want people to bring."

"I vote for funny!" Race chimed in. "Funny gifts is always the best kind, ya know, like the random stuff you find under your bed or in your uncle's attic!"

"I could see the boys enjoyin' that," Jack agreed. "They probably got some interesting stuff lyin' around, and it don't cost nothin' to bring items they already got on hand. Kath and I could probably find some things over at Pulitzer's - that guy's got some ancient artifacts down there in his cellar, let me tell ya." He turned to Davey, who hadn't said anything.

"What'cha think?" he asked.

Davey shrugged noncommittally, seemingly engrossed in his drink.

Jack frowned. "Come on, Dave," he demanded. "Out with it. Let's hear your list of objections - I want the whole ensalada."

"Enchilada," Davey muttered into his mug.

"Whatever. You got that look on your face, so I know you got some concerns." Jack folded his arms across his chest. "Spill."

Davey sighed, setting his mug down on the counter. "There's nothing wrong with having a white elephant gift exchange with items you have just lying around," he said slowly. "It's just that…" he hesitated. "Well, it's just that sometimes you end up with a bunch of used junk that way."

"Ain't that the point?" Race asked. "White elephants is supposed to be wacky."

"I suppose," came Davey's reluctant answer. "I'm not opposed to the idea…but..." He trailed off, then suddenly shook his head. "Never mind. I'm sure it'll be fine." He gave them a forced smile.

Jack and Race exchanged an amused look. There probably wouldn't ever be a time when Davey didn't have a laundry list of concerns regarding whatever new scheme was being cooked up, but if he wasn't bothering to put up a strong protest, the idea probably wasn't completely half-baked. And besides, orderliness and efficiency really didn't matter when it came to a party, so most of Davey's worries were probably unwarranted anyway.

"All right then," Jack said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "We's in agreement. A white elephant gift exchange with whatever items you can find lyin' around." He turned to Davey. "So what's next?"

"Well," Davey said, draining the last of the hot chocolate from his mug, "now you gotta spread the word. Let the rest of the newsies know about the gift exchange. Tell them they need to bring their gift already wrapped when they come to the party. The sooner you let them know, the better, that way they'll have more time to find things."

Race grinned, hopping down off of his barstool. "It'd be a pleasure to tell the fellas myself!"


	2. The Exchange (Part 1)

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-commercial work of fanfiction. All of the characters referenced here belong to Disney and not to me.

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Chapter 2 \- _The Exchange (Part 1)_

That weekend, all of the newsies who were in town gathered at the Kellys' rental apartment, which Katherine had decked out with as many decorations as she could find in her father's basement. Red and green Christmas lights were strung around the living room, tinsel adorned the kitchen island (where a sumptuous spread of food had been laid out), and in front of the window sat a modestly-sized Christmas tree adorned with brightly-colored ornaments. Jack had cued up a playlist of holiday tunes, and the cheerful music floated through the apartment along with the wafting smell of hot apple cider.

In the center of the living room area sat a large coffee table piled high with oddly-shaped presents.

"That round one there's got me stumped," Romeo muttered to Albert as they sat on the couches eyeing the various items. "Can't think of a single thing that shape and size, and it's killin' me not to have a clue!"

Albert shrugged. He didn't have high hopes for this gift exchange, but he did think the item _he'd_ brought to trade was rather funny, and he wondered who would end up with it. He'd purposefully packaged it in an ambiguously-shaped box so that it wouldn't be too obvious what it was right off the bat, but he probably should have put some kind of note on it saying that the package shouldn't be handled too roughly.

Race plopped down on the couch beside them, nearly sloshing his mug of cider on Romeo. "Hey fellas," he said brightly. "You stakin' your claims already on which one of these treasures is gonna be yours?"

"I'm trying to figure out what that round one is," Romeo answered, pointing to the package.

Race eyed it indifferently. "I dunno," he said. "That boxy one over there, though - the one wrapped in the striped paper - that seems like the real deal to me."

"I brought that one," Jojo said, coming over to join them. "And I can tell you it's _definitely_ the real deal - a classic, if you know what I mean." He grinned. "I've actually got my sights set on Katherine's gift - Jack told me she raided Pulitzer's basement. I figure it's gotta be somethin' interestin' if it's from the old man's cellar."

"How do ya know which one's Katherine's?" Romeo asked.

"Intuition," Jojo said proudly, tapping the side of his head. "I was the first one here after the Jacobs brothers, so there was only four gifts out at that point. I figured Davey and Les's are the ones with matchin' wrappin' paper, so I only had to figure out which one was Jack's and which one was Katherine's. Pretty sure Jack's is the one in the Santa gift bag - ya see those paint smudges on the side? So that leaves the Rudolph gift bag as Katherine's."

Romeo sighed. "Sure wish I had gotten here earlier," he remarked.

"Punctuality's got its benefits." Jojo shrugged, looking up as Specs and Les joined him on the couch. "Any predictions on which one of these mystery items is gonna be the big winner?" Jojo asked the newcomers.

Specs considered the pile thoughtfully, but shook his head. "I just hope mine doesn't get lost in the shuffle," he remarked. "I should've wrapped it in somethin' bigger."

"You's always losin' things, ain'tcha?" Race remarked. "Shoes, white elephant gifts - " He ducked as Specs lobbed a throw pillow in his direction.

"Well, _my_ money's on the round one in the middle," Romeo broke in, bringing the conversation back to Jojo's original question. "I'm dyin' to know what it is."

"Oooh, that's the one I brought!" Les exclaimed. "And it's a really cool gift, too! It's - "

"Les!" Davey suddenly appeared at his brother's side, seeming to materialize out of nowhere, his older brother alarm having obviously been tripped. "You can't tell anyone what you brought. That'll ruin the game."

"But Romeo's _dying_ to know!" Les protested.

"I'm pretty sure he'll be able to survive a little longer," Davey remarked, pulling up a chair next to the couch and sitting down with a mug of coffee in hand. "Everyone's finished eating, so Jack will probably get the gift exchange started soon."

Sure enough, Jack's booming voice was heard almost as soon as Davey had finished speaking.

"Hope you fellas all had enough to eat," he said jovially. "If you get hungry, help yourselves to more, but we's gonna get to the part of the night you've all been waitin' for - our _first ever_ holiday white elephant gift exchange!"

Enthusiastic cheers and applause met his declaration as he made his way over to the living room area while the rest of the newsies who hadn't already seated themselves filled in around the coffee table. Once everyone had found a spot, Jack continued with his instructions.

"Well, we got quite the collection here, I see," he remarked, surveying the large pile. "Sure hope you bummers is ready to go treasure huntin.'" He gave Katherine a little nod, and she began walking around the room with a bowl containing little folded-up slips of paper. "Now Kath is comin' around so you can draw your number - this'll tell us the order we'll go in. When it's your turn, you get to go pick a gift from the pile and open it, or you can steal another fella's gift if you'd rather have what he's got. Three steals maximum per gift, which means if you's the third one to swipe it, it's yours." He looked at Davey. "Am I forgettin' anything important, Dave?"

"If you're the first person to go, you'll get an opportunity to steal at the end of the exchange if you'd like," Davey said, "since you wouldn't have had that chance at the beginning. Oh," he added, "and once you touch a gift, you have to take it. No shaking or peeking and then moving on to something different."

Jack nodded. "And whatever you unwrap, you take home - no leavin' your treasures behind." Katherine, by this time, had made her way around the room, and everyone had their number. "All right," Jack said. "Take a look at those papers, and let's see who's up first!"

There was a moment of excited rustling, then Les exclaimed, "I've got number one!"

"Nice, kid!" Jack congratulated him. "You got the best pick of the lot." He swept his arm grandly over the pile of presents. "What'll it be?"

Les rose from his seat and gave the presents a scrutinizing look, walking part-way around the mound to examine his options. Finally, he selected a small snowflake-patterned gift bag, then walked back to his seat with it.

"Interestin' strategy," Race commented. "I woulda thought a kid like you woulda gone for the biggest present in the pile, not the smallest."

"I'm under _strict orders_ from David not to bring home anything larger than a loaf of bread," Les explained solemnly. "He said we don't need any more junk than we already have."

Everyone turned to look at Davey, who had the decency to appear at least a little embarrassed. "It's true," he mumbled. "But in my defense, we _do_ have way more junk than we need."

"Geez, Dave," Race rolled his eyes. "Can't you let the kid live a little?"

"It's okay," Les piped up. "David promised that he'd take me to get ice cream if I followed his directions, so I think it's a fair tradeoff." He began pulling the tissue paper out of the bag. Inside was a small envelope, which Les eagerly opened to find a pair of one-time day passes to the local zoo.

"Thank you...whoever brought this," the younger boy said politely, looking around the circle.

Specs raised his hand. "It was me," he said. "Those passes come with my annual membership - figured someone else might enjoy them."

"All right," Jack said. So we got two day passes to the zoo in the mix. Who's next?"

"Me," Finch answered. He selected the present closest to him, which was a box wrapped in green paper with a Christmas tree motif.

"This one's mine," Romeo whispered gleefully, elbowing Race in the arm. "I can't wait to see the look on Finchy's face when he finds out what it is."

Finch finished unwrapping the package and nearly dropped a set of - "Picture frames?" - that hadn't been secured together before being wrapped. They slid into a heap on his lap upside down (thankfully, none fell to the floor), and he had to gather them into an orderly stack before he could flip them over.

"Well, guess I could always use another…" Finch trailed off as he turned over the frames, his eyes widening in disbelief. He turned to Romeo. "Romeo…" he said tersely, "tell me you did _not_ just give me a set of your old prom photo frames - "

"Lucky you," Romeo smirked.

" - _with the photos still in them!_" Finch finished, holding up one of the frames and jabbing his finger at it.

Mush pulled the item from Finch's grasp. "Hey!" he exclaimed, looking at the picture, "you don't clean up too bad, Romeo!" He checked the date on the frame - "what was this - your freshman year?"

Romeo nodded proudly. "Charmed a senior girl into goin' with me," he beamed.

"_How exactly_ do you expect me to use these?" Finch sputtered, gesturing animatedly at the remaining frames in his lap.

"Real simple, Finchy," Race quipped. "You pry open the little metal hooks on the far side, take out the back piece, slide the photo in, and - " He dodged another throw pillow, grinning.

"Can't you just use 'em like normal photo frames?" Romeo asked.

"With phrases like "Prom 2014: My Lovey-Dovey Baby" etched on them?!" Finch groused.

Romeo shrugged innocently. "I thought it was kinda cute."

"All right," Jack broke in. "I did say you could bring whatever stuff you had lyin' around, so I guess that includes this kinda...stuff." He shot an apologetic glance at Finch. "Sorry, Finchy," he muttered. "Okay, fellas - who's next? Number three?"

"That's me," Specs answered. He got up from his seat and peered at the pile of presents for a moment before selecting the Santa gift bag.

"Specs has chosen wisely," Jack intoned theatrically. "This one's gonna be a crowd-pleaser, I guarantee." The bespectacled newsie pulled the tissue paper out of the gift bag, reached in, and pulled out…a foam dart gun.

A chorus of oohs and ahhs was heard all around the room. Jack had spoken truly (since this gift was, in fact, his contribution). "What'd I tell you?" he asked, beaming proudly.

"Lemme see that!" Race demanded, motioning for the package. "Is that the Ultra Annihilator XL with with optional motorized release and high capacity drum?"

"It don't sound like you really need a closer look, Racer," Albert quipped. Race ignored him.

Specs handed the package over. "What I really wanna know is what this dart gun was doin' in Pulitzer's basement," he said curiously, glancing at Jack.

Jack, in turn, looked at Katherine. "Father has a lot of interests," she shrugged. "Apparently foam dart weaponry is one of them."

"The old man just got a lot cooler in my mind," Race said reverently, examining the Ultra Annihilator XL. "This thing can launch over two dozen darts up to a length of a hundred feet!"

"All right, well you can steal it if you wanna drool over it more," Jack said, tugging the dart gun from Race's grasp and returning the item to Specs. "Let's keep movin' - who's up next?"

"It's me," Jojo said slowly, sounding unhappy. He trained his eyes on the pile of presents, then looked longingly in the direction of the dart gun. "I can't decide what I want to do," he mourned. "That dart gun sure is lookin' sweet, but I had my eye set on somethin' else...I ain't sure if it's better go with somethin' sure, or to take a risk."

"Well, you got five seconds to figure it out," Jack said impatiently. "We's only on number four, so we gotta speed things up."

"Ahhhh!" Jojo exclaimed, "The pressure's killin' me!" He squeezed his eyes shut, thought for a second, then held out his arm in Spec's direction. "All right," he said, "I'm stealin' - hand over the dart gun, Specs."

Specs surrendered the item reluctantly, then selected another package from the pile, this one tastefully wrapped in red kraft paper with a snowflake-shaped paper tag on top. "I ain't sure who brought this one," he said, untying the ribbon, "but I gotta give you props for the fancy wrappin.'"

"Wait 'till you see what's inside," Henry remarked from his perch on one of the barstools in front of the kitchen island. Unlike the rest of the newsies, he'd chosen to stay in close proximity to the food in keeping with what Race called Henry's "grazing" habits.

Specs unwrapped the package and held it up for all to see. "Didja make this, Henry?" he asked, turning around to look at the other newsie.

Henry nodded. "Yup - that's one pound of homemade fudge, the best recipe to come out of my test kitchen. It's dark chocolate, so I'd suggest Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot if you's lookin' for a good pairin' - for those of us who's of legal age, of course," he amended hastily, looking at Les and a few of the younger newsies.

"Okay, so we's got a couple of hot items up for grabs now," Jack said, beginning to sound more excited. "Number five, let's go."

"Meeee!" Romeo sang out, jumping up from the couch and springing over to the pile, where he immediately selected the round package he'd had his eye on from the beginning. "Ooh," he said, as he felt the item through the paper wrapping. "Squishy."

"It's - " Les began, before Davey silenced him with a look. Romeo didn't even catch the exchange, so engrossed was he in tearing through the paper.

Out of the wrappings emerged a circular shaped pillow in a bright yellow color. Romeo gasped, then immediately hugged the pillow to his chest. "I _love_ it!" he exclaimed.

"What is it?" Katherine asked, sounding both interested and amused.

"It's a kissing emoji pillow!" Les exclaimed, happy to finally be able to let the secret out. "I won't tell you where I got it, or which one of my many admirers gave it to me, but all I'll say is that I've got a few more like it at home, so I thought I could probably spare one."

"You _knew,_" Romeo sniffled, sounding touched. "And pillows are my favorite thing, too - I've always gotta have at least three or four." He patted the emoji pillow fondly, wiping away a tear. "There's definitely going to be a spot on my bed for you, new friend. You'll feel right at home."

"All right, so we got zoo tickets, photo frames, a dart gun, fudge, and a smiley face pillow on the table," Jack said briskly, beginning to get _just _an inkling of why Davey had been hesitant to allow the boys to bring "found" items to the gift exchange. "Let's see what else we got." He looked around the group. "Who's next?"

"I got number six," Crutchie said, getting to his feet, "and _I _am gonna relieve Jojo of his dart gun." He reached over and swiped the item from Jojo, who looked a little disappointed, but not completely crushed.

"That's steal number two for the dart gun," Jack reminded everyone. "What'll it be, Jojo?"

"Well, guess I'll take a chance on the gift I originally wanted," Jojo said, plucking the Rudolph bag from the pile. He gave Katherine a look. "Was I right in guessin' you brought this one, Kath?" he asked. "Somethin' else from Pulitzer's basement?"

The reporter nodded. "You've got some great intuition," she replied. "You're right - it's mine. I hope you'll like it - I don't think it'll be as much of a crowd-pleaser as Jack's was."

"Are. You. _Kidding_?!" Jojo exclaimed giddily, pulling a handful of items from the bag. "This is even _better_ than a dart gun!"

"What'ja get?" Race asked curiously, craning his neck to look.

"Only a handful of the best bacon paraphernalia a newsie could ever ask for!" Jojo beamed. "Bacon-scented air-fresheners, bacon-flavored floss, bacon-shaped adhesive bandages, a pair of "I Heart Bacon" party shades - "

"And there's a pound of honey barbecue bacon in the fridge that goes with all that," Katherine added, delighted at Jojo's pleased reaction.

Jack shot her a suspicious look. "Hey...you supplemented your gift, didn'tcha?" he accused. "There's no way Pulitzer had a pound of bacon down in his basement along with all that other stuff. You broke the rules!"

"I _told_ you I found my gift in Father's basement, and I did!" Katherine retorted. "I never lied." Jack frowned, giving her a look that said he didn't believe her. "I...didn't tell you everything - " she amended finally.

"Oh, if you weren't my wife I'd be callin' you out for cheatin' right now," Jack growled, shaking his head.

"Jack, it was _one pound_ of bacon at the grocery store. One pound!" Katherine threw her hands in the air, exasperated. "How does _one pound_ of bacon hurt anything?"

"You broke the rules!" Jack reiterated.

"So that I could be a little more generous with my gift!" Katherine shot back defensively. "Look at Jojo!" She motioned to the newsie, who had already donned the "I Heart Bacon" party shades. He gave Jack a little wave and a smile. "Look at how happy he is!" Katherine continued. "Are you really going to begrudge me the joy of making one of your newsies happy, all for some silly rule?"

Jack seemed to deflate a bit. "Guess you have a point," he admitted gruffly. "But you's settin' a bad example for the boys with all of this rule-bendin.'"

Katherine leaned over to give him a pacifying kiss on the cheek. "Just overlook it this time, all right, Jack?" she suggested. "I promise I'll be more observant of the guidelines next year - Davey-level observant, even."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Davey muttered (but no one bothered to answer him).

"All right," Jack conceded, putting his arm around her shoulder. "Guess that's as good as I can hope for." He gave her a half-grin. "I ain't gonna try to stop that big heart of yours, Kath - probably couldn't, even if I tried."

He turned to the newsies. "Sorry fellas," he said apologetically. "Let's keep this thing goin' - we got at least two happy bummers so far," he motioned to Romeo and Jojo.

"And we're about to have one more!" Katherine declared, raising her slip of paper. "I'm number seven, and I'm going to steal Henry's homemade fudge. We've actually got a bottle of Merlot here at the apartment, and I've been trying to figure out what to pair it with." She walked over to Specs who surrendered the fudge reluctantly, then made her way triumphantly back to her seat.

"Well, looks like you's up again, Specs," Jack said, feeling a little sorry for the bespectacled newsie who just couldn't seem to hold on to any of the gifts he selected.

"Guess I might as well open something else," Specs shrugged, resigned to the fact that he probably wouldn't get to keep whatever he opened up next, and getting more and more indifferent to the proceedings as time went on. He picked up a bag that had a snowman on it and took it over to his seat on the couch. More tissue paper was wadded up and set on the ground by his feet, and Specs reached into the gift bag to reveal…

"The ugly Christmas sweater of all ugly Christmas sweaters!" Albert exclaimed, as Specs held it up.

"Hey!" Crutchie snapped. "You don't gotta be insultin'!"

"You don't think it's ugly?" Albert challenged.

"It's got poi-so_nal_ity." Crutchie gave the other newsie a condescending look. "A bum like you couldn't pull it off, but I bet'cha a nickel someone else here could!"

"It's got a Tyrannosaurus Rex wearing a Santa hat and a string of Christmas lights on it," Albert scoffed.

"And the lights _light up_!" Crutchie giggled gleefully, a smile spreading like butter across his face. "Flip the little switch under the collar, Specs!" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Woah…" Albert was stunned as the sweater began twinkling. "That takes horrendous to a _whole_ new level."

"Okay, I think we've discussed the merits of the sweater enough," Jack said, once again stepping in to keep things on track. "Let's take a stretchin' break for five minutes - all this sittin's makin' Finch antsy, I can tell. Grab some more snacks, refill those drinks of yours, and then we'll circle up again in five for the second half. All right, boys? Go!"

* * *

**A/N**: If you've participated in white elephant gift exchanges before, can you identify with any of the newsies and their respective situations? Are you Specs, the one everyone steals from? Or Katherine, the rule-bender? Or maybe Race or Albert, giving running commentary on everyone else's gifts? Most of the time I end up being Finch, the one who draws the dud gift early on and gets stuck with it…and I've participated in a LOT of white elephants (though I've never gotten someone's old prom photo frames).

Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought. :)


	3. The Exchange (Part 2)

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-commercial work of fanfiction. All of the characters referenced here belong to Disney and not to me.

* * *

Chapter 3: _The Exchange (Part 2)_

The five minute break turned into a half-hour, as breaks are wont to do at parties where there is an abundance of good food and good company and no particular agenda. By the time Jack managed to corral everyone back together again, Crutchie had already emptied the drum of the dart gun twice, (mostly hitting Albert in good-natured retaliation for the ginger-haired newsie's snide remarks about the "ugly" Christmas sweater), Elmer was complaining of food-coma, and Romeo had fallen asleep on his emoji pillow.

"What number are we on?" Jack asked, prodding Romeo awake with his elbow.

"Number eight," Katherine reminded him.

"Number eight here." Albert raised his slip of paper in the air as he rose from the couch. He was clearly debating between two packages in the pile, and got as close to them as he could without touching them. Finally, he selected a gold-and-white striped box and returned to his seat to unwrap it.

"Apples to Apples!" Les exclaimed, as the paper fell away to reveal the square-shaped container with its iconic red logo on the front. "That's the best game ever!"

"Oops!" Finch exclaimed. "Guess that's a little misleadin' - sorry, Al. It actually ain't Apples to Apples - I just had that box lyin' around, so I used it to pack my gift in."

Les looked a little disappointed. "What happened to the rest of the game?" he asked.

A few uneasy chuckles were heard.

"Spot threw the deck of cards out of the window at one of our game nights," Jack explained. "It was his turn to play the green card, and he put down Brooklyn...but I guess he wasn't too happy with all of our answers." He grinned. "But we was just tellin' the truth, right fellas?"

A chorus of hearty agreement was heard all around.

By this time, Albert had opened the box and was digging through the packing peanuts Finch had tossed in. "This better not be just a box of foam pieces, Finchy," the ginger-haired newsie groused.

"Nah, it's better," Finch replied. "Keep diggin.'"

Albert did, finally locating a plastic case at the bottom of the box. He pulled it out, a suspicious look on his face that quickly turned incredulous as he read the words on the label.

"Finchy," he scowled, "how's this _better_ than a box of foam packin' peanuts?"

"What are you talkin' about?" Finch asked, sounding insulted. "What you're holdin' there in your hand is a limited edition cd of The Scrappy Songbirds' debut album!"

"I _know_ what it is," Albert grumbled. "My question was how it's better than a box of styrofoam."

Finch was so affronted that he didn't answer.

"I can't believe someone still had that old EP lyin' around," Mush chuckled, taking Albert's insult in stride. "Those sure was good old days, right Romeo?" The younger newsie nodded, beaming.

"I didn't know The Scrappy Songbirds made their own cds," Katherine remarked. She'd heard about the quartet (now disbanded) consisting of Finch, Romeo, Buttons, and Mush, but she didn't realize they'd been serious enough to record their own music.

"We just threw it together on GarageBand," Mush explained. "The balance was lousy 'cause we only had one mic, but we made it work. Pretty sure we thought it would impress the ladies." He grinned. "If you wanna give it a listen, you can hear how Romeo sounded before his voice changed."

"We ain't gonna be listenin' to any of this nonsense," Albert said sourly, shoving the cd back into the box. "I ain't subjecting my eardrums that that kinda misery."

"I thought you was our biggest fan, Albert," Romeo said, sounding hurt. "You gave us our band's name, didn'tcha?"

"It was supposed to be an insult."

"Well, I _am_ insulted that you ain't showin' proper appreciation for my gift," Finch broke in, "and I'm textin' Buttons right now to let him know what'cha said. Just wait 'till the next time you need somethin' mended, Al. You can kiss your free alterations goodbye!"

"All right, all right, bring it down fellas," Jack admonished. "We's gettin' a little too riled up here. This is supposed to be somethin' fun!"

"I'd be havin' a lot more fun if my gift weren't being put down to my face," Finch complained.

"This ain't even a gift!" Albert retorted. "This here's a hazard...to the health of my ears!"

"Albert! Finch! _Enough!_" Jack ordered forcefully. "For cryin' out loud! You'd think we was some kinda ragged army without a leader from the way we's fightin' and carryin' on." He shook his head. "Movin' on! Number nine, I hope you's someone with a little more sense than these two nitwits."

"I'm number nine." Davey set his coffee down on the end table beside him, then got up and walked over to his brother. "Sorry, Les," he said apologetically, "but I'm going to take your tickets."

"It don't make a whole lotta sense for you to steal from your own brother, Davey," Elmer pointed out, "since you's gonna be takin' him to the zoo anyway whether they's his tickets or yours."

Davey looked completely caught off guard by the innocent statement. "Well, I guess that's true," he conceded as he made his way back to his seat with the tickets in hand. "But…" he hesitated.

"Maybe he ain't plannin' on takin' Les after all!" Race joked. Davey gave him a sharp look, and the laughter died in Race's throat as he realized that he'd unwittingly hit too close to the truth. _Interesting,_ the gambler thought, _and completely out of character. _He filed away the bit of information for later.

"All right, all right," Jack broke in, clapping his hands. "What a fella does with his white elephant gift is up to him. Let's save the pryin' for afterwards - we gotta keep this thing movin.'" He motioned to Les. "What'll it be, kid? Steal or open somethin' new?"

"In case you've forgotten, there's a really nice set of photo frames that's up for grabs," Finch spoke up in a half-hearted attempt to relieve himself of the undesirable gift he'd been saddled with. "You said you got a lot of admirers, so I bet you could use some frames to put their photos in."

Les gave a little nod. "That's true," he said matter-of-factly. "But four frames won't be nearly enough to fit all of their pictures."

Finch sank back into his seat, looking defeated, as Les perused the pile of gifts in front of him.

"That one," he pointed. "Is that one smaller than a loaf of bread?"

"It's fine," Davey said quickly, still sounding a little discomposed. "Close enough."

Les pulled the package from the pile. It was a cylindrically-shaped item wrapped in brown paper with a red gift bow slapped half-heartedly on top.

"Whoever brought this one sure bent over backwards tryin' to make it look nice," Albert remarked sarcastically.

Race tsk tsk'd. "Didn'tcha ever learn that it ain't what's on the outside, but what's on the _inside_ that counts, Al?" he chided.

Albert rolled his eyes. "You sound like you's quotin' from some sappy Disney musical."

Race shrugged. "Ain't nothin' wrong with that."

Les unwrapped the gift. "It's a container of…" he squinted. "Chlorine tablets?" He read off the writing on the label. "Kills bacteria, controls algae, keeps water clean."

"A multi-taskin' gift, that's what it is," Race interjected proudly.

Les still looked confused. "What am I supposed to do with it?" he asked.

"I ain't exactly sure," Race admitted, "but there was a bunch of 'em lyin' around the poolhouse at my condo. If they's for cleanin' water, maybe they's one of those things that goes into a survival kit for when a big earthquake hits or the world comes to an end?"

"They're for sanitizing pool water," Davey said shortly. "You cannot use them to purify water for drinking." He gave Race a slightly accusing look. "I can't believe you brought something like that to a gift exchange."

"And _I_ can't believe a germaphobe like you ain't gonna stop to appreciate somethin' that's gonna keep his little brother safe from all of the contamination hangin' around in pools!" Race snarked. "You's nothin' but a big hypocrite, Davey."

"I am _not _a - " Davey began before Jack silenced him with a glare.

"Stow the seriosity, you two," he scolded. "Didn'tcha hear what I just told the fellas? We's here to have fun, not to argue about each other's gifts." He shook his head. "All right - number ten!"

Mush rose from the couch and grabbed the biggest box left on the table.

"I wonder who brought this…" he murmured, pulling off the ribbon and ripping through the wrapping paper. He opened up the box to reveal another smaller paper-wrapped box sitting inside. Shrugging, Mush gamely tore the paper off of the second container...only to find that a third and _even smaller _box awaited him, this one wrapped in newspaper and then covered entirely in clear packing tape.

"Hah - I think I just answered my own question," Mush remarked. He looked over at Albert. "This one's yours, ain't it?"

Albert gave a satisfied nod. "And good luck gettin' the gift out."

"Why'd ya have to pull a stunt like that, Al?" Jack griped. "We ain't got time for this kinda thing." He handed Mush a pair of scissors. "Here," he said. "Use these. We all know Albert ain't a very precise wrapper, so there's gotta be a corner somewhere you can cut off."

Albert protested, saying that using scissors was cheating and that cutting off a corner would ruin the "fun," but Jack leveled a glare in his direction (if he'd gotten a little out of practice using that facial expression when he and Katherine had moved to Santa Fe, his proficiency had certainly returned quickly enough). After a moment, Mush was able to pull away the cocoon of packing tape and newspaper to reveal the gift: an animatronic fish mounted on a wooden board. Mush activated the device on the back of the mount, then almost dropped it in surprise as the fish loudly burst into song, wiggling its head and tail in time to the music.

"Now _here's_ a gift even Elmer could enjoy," Mush joked, trying to keep a handle on the fish as it shimmied back and forth.

"That...is...the most _amazin'_ thing I've ever seen!" Elmer exclaimed in awe. "How'd they teach it to sing like that? It's genius!"

"You want it?" Mush asked, not at all crushed at the thought of having to give up the gift.

"You'd let me have it?" Elmer put a hand to his heart, clearly touched.

Mush grinned. "Well, if you's number eleven, you can steal it from me fair and square."

Elmer pulled his slip of paper out of his pocket. "I _am_ number eleven!" he cheered, bounding over to Mush who readily surrendered the fish. "Thank you, Albert! Thank you for my fish!"

"I'm puttin' a ban on that thing's singin' till after we's done here," Jack said shortly. "This white elephant's chaotic enough without all the extra serenadin.'" Elmer looked a little deflated, but he obediently silenced the singing fish.

"Okay, Mushy," Jack nodded. "You gonna open up somethin' else?"

"Gonna steal, actually," Mush answered. "I forgot my aunt's havin' an ug-" he checked himself, glancing apologetically at Crutchie, "an _awesome_ Christmas sweater contest at her party this year, and I need somethin' to wear, so I'm gonna steal from Specs."

"See, I toldja you can't hang on to anything, Specs," Race joked.

Specs shook his head. "Maybe you got a point," he sighed. He'd gotten swiped from so many times by now that he was _sure_ it had to be some kind of record. Leaning over, he picked a gift at random from the pile, not even bothering to really look at it.

"That's a good-lookin' one there," Race commented, as Specs quickly unwrapped the present. "Was gonna be my first choice, too. Jojo says it's a real classic."

"Classic?" Specs remarked, examining the now-revealed gift with a critical eye. "Outta date might be more fittin'. Does anyone even _own_ a VCR anymore?"

A murmuring of "nos," "nopes" and "don't even know what that is" was heard throughout the room.

"Oh come on, fellas!" Crutchie broke in. "That's the original _Star Wars_ trilogy he's got in his hands there!"

"On VHS," Specs reminded him.

Crutchie shrugged. "Still's a classic."

"Well it don't matter how classic it is if I can't watch it," Specs retorted.

Crutchie gave him a placid look. "Your eyes can deceive you," he intoned. "Don't trust 'em."

"What are you even _talkin'_ about? That don't make no sense!"

"He finds your lack of faith disturbin,'" Mush added, joining in.

"My lack of faith? I'm _tryin'_ to understand how this even qualifies as a gift!"

"Do. Or do not," Mush and Crutchie uttered in unison. "There is no _try_."

Specs - nearly pushed past the limits of his patience - gave up trying to make sense of their cryptic statements and instead scowled in Jojo's direction. The other boy hadn't said anything in defense of his gift, but he'd been listening to the ensuing conversation with a smug look on his face, and that look was just enough to push Specs over the edge.

"I hate you," he muttered darkly.

Jojo smirked. "I know."

"Hey, hey, it's all right, Specs," Jack said consolingly. "You probably ain't gonna hang onto that gift anyway."

"With my luck, this'll be the one thing I keep," Specs complained.

"In my experience, there's no such thing as luck," Crutchie quoted sagely, as Mush and Jojo nodded in silent agreement.

"All right, enough," Jack broke in sharply. "It's my turn now, and I'm gonna steal the zoo tickets, so Dave, you's gonna have to find some other place to take your date."

"I never said that," Davey protested, surrendering the passes. Jack shrugged.

"You didn't have to. I did." He pocketed the tickets. "So you's up again now - steal or open?"

"Steal, I guess," Davey answered. He glanced around the room, weighing his options. Most of the newsies clutched their gifts protectively, while a few like Finch and Albert tried to display their offerings as attractively as possible.

"I'll steal the fudge," Davey decided finally. "Sorry, Katherine." The reporter passed the package over to him, then got up and walked over to the coffee table.

"As exciting as those frames and that cd look," she began, giving Finch and Albert a sympathetic smile, "I'm curious about _this_ package." Reaching out, she grabbed an oddly-shaped item wrapped in shiny silver paper. As she picked it up to return to her seat however, part of the package suddenly ripped slightly from the weight of the gift, and a trickle of dirt spilled out, quickly covering the carpet and part of her skirt.

Everyone reacted at once.

"Watch it, Kath - the dirt's still pourin' out!"

"Don't put your foot in it!"

"Les! Stop!"

"What nitwit woulda packed somethin' like that?"

"Ya think it's a pound of dirt or somethin'?"

"There a vacuum 'round here, Jacky?"

"Try the closet under the stairs."

"Here, lemme help!"

"Ahhhh, move your elbow!"

"Pass the towel!"

"What a crazy night," Jack muttered, shaking his head in dismay before ordering the newsies to take another break and clear out of the living room for a moment so that he could vacuum the rug and Katherine could go change into some clean clothes.

This white elephant was definitely turning out to be more chaotic than he'd bargained for.

* * *

**A/N: **Only three more gifts left to open (including Katherine's bag of dirt(?))! What'd you think of the latest round of "treasures?" Are there any you'd go for? Any you'd avoid like crazy? (Does anyone still own a VCR/watch things on VHS?). Thanks for reading this - I'd love to hear what you thought! :)


	4. The Exchange (Part 3)

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-commercial work of fanfiction. All of the characters referenced here belong to Disney and not to me.

* * *

**A/N: **In addition to the ridiculousness I've _already_ subjected you to in this fic, please note that the following chapter contains a partial parody of a popular _Newsies_ song as well as one _very_ cringe-worthy pun that also references said song. Consider yourself warned, dear reader.

And now, back to our story, where we'll get to find out what's _really_ in Katherine's bag of dirt...

* * *

Chapter 4: _The Exchange (Part 3)_

Once cleanliness had been restored, the gift exchange resumed. The dirt-filled package had been wrapped in a towel to stop the spillage and then had been hastily carried over to the kitchen sink where it now sat, waiting to be opened.

Katherine pushed up her sleeves, then carefully tore into the paper as the newsies looked on from their places.

"There somethin' in there besides dirt, Kath?" Race asked curiously.

"I'll say there is!" the reporter declared. "It's a huge bag of produce!"

"Straight from my garden," Mush beamed proudly. "Lovingly cared for and organically grown. Maybe not the cleanest, though...I probably shoulda washed 'em before bringin' 'em over. Sorry about the mess, Katherine."

"These are _enormous_!" the reporter exclaimed. She turned around, holding a large potato in one hand and a gigantic red beet in the other.

Davey snorted loudly into his cup of coffee. Everyone looked at him in surprise. "Sorry," he snickered. "It's just…" he gestured to the root vegetable in Katherine's hand, "...a regular _beet_ for the star reporter!"

He was rewarded with a chorus of loud groans and eye rolls.

"What?" Davey asked defensively. "There _are_ different types of beets, you know: white beets, golden beets, baby beets -"

"Shaddup, Davey," Jack scoffed.

Katherine put the potato and the beet back into the sink. "Thank you for the vegetables, Mush," she said, washing her hands before returning to the living room area. "They'll cook up nicely, I'm sure."

"All right, so we left off on number twelve," Jack said, looking around the circle. "We got two more gifts left on the table, and a buncha fun stuff up for grabs. Unlucky number thirteen, what's it gonna be?"

"That's _lucky_ number thirteen to you, Jacky," Race said cheerfully. "Lucky because I'm gonna steal that dart gun - for the _third_ time."

"Oooh, it's locked now!" Elmer exclaimed, as the gambler sauntered over to Crutchie to claim his prize.

Race kissed the dart gun fondly. "From the moment I laid eyes on ya, I knew you was gonna be mine," he declared.

"All right, well I'm glad you two finally found each other," Jack said sarcastically. "Crutchie, what'cha gonna do, huh? We still got two gifts here that need openin'!"

"I'm actually gonna relieve Specs of his videos," Crutchie said, making his way over to the aforementioned newsie. "It ain't right for a masterpiece like that to go unappreciated." Specs was so pleased to wash his hands of the VHS tapes that he didn't even respond to the mild insult.

"Well, Specs - you's up again," Jack said. "How many have you opened so far?"

"Four," Specs said. "Guess I may as well go for number five." He picked up a gift from the table that looked like a paper towel roll tied with red and green ribbon.

"The gift's inside," Elmer said helpfully. "The ribbon was just for looks - you don't haf'ta untie it." Specs eyed the inside of the roll, then carefully reached in and pulled out a laminated piece of paper that immediately rolled itself back up before he could see what it was. Setting the packaging aside, Specs flattened out the paper.

"It's a poster of the U.S. Presidents," he said. "1789 to 1974. So it ain't even current." He let the poster roll itself up again, disappointed. "I'd make some kinda remark on this, but I dunno if I got anythin' left to say, 'specially seein' some of the crazy stuff that's been poppin' up here. This ain't even the worst of it. So I suppose I oughta thank you, Elmer."

The backhanded compliment was lost on the younger newsie. "You're welcome, Specs!" he replied brightly. "Glad to hear ya like it. I always thought politicians was interestin' folks."

"All right." Jack took a deep breath. "We's down to our final number." He looked at Henry. "If I ain't mistaken, you's the only one left. We got one more gift left on the table, and everything else except the dart gun is up for grabs."

"Pass me the gift, will ya?" Henry asked, holding out his hand as the newsies transferred it into his possession. "I was gonna steal Katherine's bag of vegetables, but I don't wanna deal with somethin' that big on the subway when I'm headin' back. This one's nice and small."

"Someone give us a drumroll," Jack directed. "We's openin' the last gift - sure hope it's a good one!"

Race and Albert obligingly began pounding on the coffee table ("Not too hard!" Katherine warned), and Henry ripped through the paper, revealing the item with a flourish.

"I know who brought this," he said, laughing as he turned it over in his hands.

"How do you know?" Les asked curiously.

"Look at the title of the book," Henry instructed, holding the paperback closer so that the younger boy could see.

"_The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Guidebook_," Les read aloud.

Henry grinned. "If that don't spell your brother, I don't what what does."

Les looked confused. "It _doesn't _spell 'my -"

"It was a joke, kid." Henry opened the book and began flipping through the pages curiously. "I actually can't believe you's wantin' to give this away, Davey," he remarked, looking curiously at the older Jacobs brother. "Ain't you always sayin' we gotta be prepared for everything?"

"I _thought_ that's what the book would have information on," Davey answered. "But almost everything in there is useless. The scenarios are completely absurd, and half the time the solutions aren't much better. The only chapter I found that was any good was the one about what to do when there's a snake in your sleeping bag, but other than that - "

"What are you talkin' about, Davey?" Henry interrupted, paging through the table of contents. "There's tons of useful stuff in here. Listen up, fellas!" He cleared his throat. "How to calm a chargin' alligator. How to escape from an angry bull…"

"Too soon," Jack muttered.

"How to quash a gym addiction...How to clean and cook a rat." Henry's eyes lit up. "Hey Racer, here's one for you!" he exclaimed. "How to prolong your fifteen minutes of _fame_."

"Hey, give that here!" Race demanded, suddenly interested. He bounded over and snatched the book from Henry. "Well, if that ain't me!" he exclaimed, after skimming the chapter mentioned.

"And that ain't all!" Henry added.

"What else you got?" Jack asked.

Race jumped up on top of the now-empty coffee table, reading off a chapter title for all to hear.

"A pair of quick tricks to win a bar bet!"

Race passed the book off to Romeo, who read another.

"The way to land jobs without a skill set!"

Henry was next.

"Techniques to avoid the airport cougher!"

Then came Finch.

"And how to disarm an angry golfer!"

Jojo leaned over and snatched the book from Finch's hands.

"A solid defense when you're caught slackin'!"

Les was about the grab the book, but Albert whisked it away.

"A way to send nosy parents packin'!"

The book was tossed to Mush.

"The means to survive a brakeless bike crash!"

Elmer joined Race on top of the coffee table before adding,

"Instructions on how to treat your road rash!"

"See what I mean?" Davey muttered to no one in particular. "Useless - all of it." He was probably the only one in the room _not _amused by the unfolding shenanigans, and privately couldn't understand how his friends could be so fascinated by something so absurd.

The newsies' spirited exchange went on for a few moments more, but eventually everyone settled back down, and the book was returned to Henry. "Well, this'll definitely give me somethin' interestin' to read on my way home," he said, sounding pleased. "Guess I still got a good pick after all, even though I was the last fella to go."

"Don't get too attached to it yet," Jack reminded him. "We's gone through all fourteen numbers, but number one gets a chance to steal for the very last round." He grinned at Les. "What'll it be, kid? The woild is yer erster - all except the dart gun."

Les furrowed his brow in concentration. He got to his feet, then slowly made his way around the circle, examining each and every gift with a critical eye and pausing for a moment before shaking his head and moving on to the next one. Several audible sighs were heard in his wake (some of disappointment, and some of relief), but other than that, no one broke the silence until Les had made his way almost fully around the circle, coming to a stop in front of…

Davey and his box of fudge.

"Les," Davey began, "isn't there something else here that you'd rather have?"

"Not really," Les answered. "That chocolate's looking awfully tasty."

"I'll share it with you," Davey offered quickly. "We'll split it in half."

"Or I _could_ just have it all, which is fifty percent better than what you're suggesting," Les pointed out.

"You shouldn't be eating all that chocolate by yourself," Davey frowned. "And besides, it's not nice to steal from your older brother."

"You _weren't _even going to take me to the zoo, David!" Les shot back. "So don't think you'll be getting any favors from me. Race is right - you _are_ a big hypocrite!" He pulled the chocolate from Davey's hands and then stalked back to his seat.

"Ouch," Jack remarked, smirking at Davey who gave him a rather unhappy look in return (a look that only intensified when Les returned to drop the container of chlorine tablets into his lap).

"All right, well that's the end of it," Jack announced, trying not to look too amused. "Sure hope you all is happy with the treasures you ended up with, but if you ain't, there's always next year. Make sure all the wrappings get put into the trash, then stick around for a while if you want - we got plenty to eat and drink, and Kath and I only get to see you bummers once a year now, so we sure want to make it count." He grinned. "Thanks for playin,' fellas!"

The newsies clapped and cheered, good-naturedly expressing their appreciation for the effort their leader had put into the activity...and just like that, the First Annual Newsies White Elephant Gift Exchange was brought to a close.

* * *

**A/N: **Have any of you read the _Worst-Case Scenario_ series of books? I'm not sure if it's still popular or not, but it seemed like something Davey would have lying around.

One final concluding chapter to go. :) Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought.


	5. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: **This is a non-commercial work of fanfiction. All of the characters referenced here belong to Disney and not to me.

* * *

Chapter 5: _The Aftermath (and what became of the gifts)_

Everyone (well, almost everyone) agreed that the First Annual Newsies White Elephant Gift Exchange had been a complete success (if a bit stressful in certain moments), and in the end, all (well, all except for Davey) voted to continue the tradition for the upcoming Christmas season.

The forward-thinking Finch successfully pawned off Romeo's prom photo frames the following year (the newsies had all but forgotten about them by that time and didn't expect them to make a reappearance, but reappear they did).

Other gifts did not outlast the party; the homemade fudge was devoured (almost single-handedly by Les, much to his brother's dismay), and Jojo insisted on frying up the entire pound of bacon, which Henry then wrapped around a pile of dates from the charcuterie board in between reading snippets of _The Worst Case Scenario Guidebook _out loud to whoever was interested.

Elmer treated everyone to a series of duets with his singing fish until a desperate Albert popped his "Scrappy Songbirds" album into the Kellys' sound system and turned up the volume loud enough to drown out the other newsie's exuberant belting.

Katherine took pity on Davey and offered to trade her bag of vegetables for his chlorine tablets (since she and Jack _did_ have a pool at their home in Santa Fe), but Davey declined, pragmatically pointing out that the tablets would use up too much space in their luggage with all of the other gifts they'd probably be taking back, and that the tablets could make a big mess if they happened to be crushed en route. Race, catching wind of the conversation, jokingly suggested that Davey carry around a tablet in his pocket at all times in case (heaven forbid) he should happen to accidentally fall into a germ-infested pool; Davey responded by grabbing the dart gun out of Race's hand and shooting him point-blank before walking away.

(Jack, with Katherine's agreement, later forced Davey to take the zoo tickets home, saying that there wouldn't be time for the Kellys to make it out to the attraction before they returned to Santa Fe, something Jack hadn't realized when he'd initially stolen them. Davey gratefully accepted the offer (seeing the sense in it), and Jack hinted that if he wanted to show his gratitude, he could let them in on the secret of who he was planning to go with (since it obviously wasn't Les)...but Davey only gave them an evasive smile and a shrug, so clearly it would have to be a story for another time).

Mush and Crutchie got into a spirited debate over the ideal viewing order for _Star Wars_ films, the former wearing his Christmas sweater with the lights all aglow, and the latter repeatedly pausing their discussion to remark on his opponent's good taste in holiday wear whenever the disgruntled Albert was within earshot. (Mush later went on to win his aunt's ugly Christmas sweater contest by a landslide).

Specs attempted to leave his poster behind, but Jack caught him and made him take it home.

...and Romeo fell asleep again on his emoji pillow, blissfully unaware of the low-key chaos that continued to unfold around him.

The party went on late into the night, with the newsies intermittently trickling out of the apartment by twos and threes, heading for home when their bellies were full to bursting and they were too tired to keep their eyes open any longer.

Finally, it was only Jack and Katherine left. Race and the Jacobs brothers had stayed to help clean up the apartment, so everything was back in its place, and by unspoken agreement, the Kellys settled down together on the couch in front of the Christmas tree to drink in the moment.

For a while, it was quiet, the only sound being the faint hum and swish of the dishwasher as it ran. Jack reached for the remote that controlled the room's recessed lighting and dimmed everything except for the Christmas tree lights.

"Ain't that neat," he murmured, taking in the effect of the tree in all of its glittering beauty. "Sure is the most wonderful time of the year, ain't it, Ace?"

"I don't know, Jack," his wife replied teasingly. "I've heard you complain about the snow more than once."

"I ain't talkin' about the snow," Jack said, giving her a little shove in the arm. "I'm talkin' about bein' able to be with the folks that mean the world to me - you and the fellas."

Katherine leaned over, nestling her head against his shoulder. "You miss them, don't you?" she murmured.

"Yeah," Jack admitted softly. "I do. I know we was right to move, and I ain't regrettin' it, but times like these...seein' the fellas again, and rememberin' what things used to be like…" He shook his head. "Well, it gets me thinkin' sometimes."

"Thinking about what?"

"If one day we'd ever come back to New York."

Katherine looked at him in surprise. It was the first time he'd ever raised the possibility of returning.

"Anyway," Jack said briskly, "it's just a passin' thought - ain't a conversation to have tonight. I don't wanna spoil the mood." He smiled fondly at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Well, if you ever want to talk about it more, you know I'm all ears," Katherine said, settling against him again.

Jack didn't say anything in return, but he pressed a kiss to her forehead, and they sat in silence for a few moments more, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

"Do _you_ miss bein' here?" Jack asked, finally breaking the silence. "I know when we moved out West you said it was a unanimous decision, but I know you was just tryin' to let me chase my dream."

Katherine shook her head. "Jack, I meant what I said. Wherever you go, I'm there. New York might have been my home, but that was before I met you. Now home for me is wherever you are."

"For sure?" Jack joked.

Katherine nodded. "For sure." She smiled. "I'll be honest, I miss seeing the boys, too...but I don't think they'll be walking out of our lives anytime soon, especially not when you've started some great traditions like these to keep us all connected."

"Yeah, well," Jack shrugged, "a fella does what he can."

"And that's why we all love you," Katherine said, kissing him on the cheek.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence again, and Jack found that his heart, which almost always ached with a longing that he couldn't describe, was overflowing with contentment in the warmth of that moment. He wasn't sure what had caused it, and he wasn't sure how long it would last, but he was grateful for it. He had a loving wife and loyal friends and a full stomach and a roof over his head. That was more than enough. And even though the thought of returning to Santa Fe and leaving the boys behind again was bittersweet, Jack knew that Katherine was right - the friends they had here weren't going anywhere.

...and there was always next year to look forward to.

**The End.**

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for reading this! I hope it gave you a laugh or two, and that wherever you find yourself this season you are able to enjoy the gift of true friendship, whether those friends are close by or separated by distance but near in spirit. :)


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